Your Feelings...

Your feelings are my main concern now. It pains me to see you unhappy. I really hope I can do something to cheer you up. No matter how stress this semester will be or how tough life will be, I will be always by your side to support you. I understand it's difficult for you to believe but I am truly regretful of what I have done in the past. I feel so foolish with all the things that happened in the past and I am truly sorry about it.

I know you do not like to talk about this and I do not like to upset you too. All I want to tell you is that I will really be by your side whenever you need me now and future. I really do not want to upset or make you sad anymore. I want you to be happy.

Footnote: I will always be by your side!

First Day of School

First day of school is so lousy for me. I had PC Technology and World Issue today... My lesson starts at 8am and ended at 12noon. Canteen 1 and 2 were packed with people that I could hardly squeeze through to get food. You seldom see these 2 canteen that packed. Anyway I went to SIM for lunch instead.

After lunch, I was back to school for gym... Gyming alone was never easy. I really miss doing gym and running with the sprinters and oh yah the dinner... So much laughter... My best time in poly was the days with the sprinters. I really can't forget those days. And after dinner, I can see YOU home... I really miss doing that...
I really hate myself for bringing this upon myself. I really regret now...

Anyway after gym, I went to return vcd at my Toa Payoh and then headed down to Sixth Avenue. Gotten myself a hot chocolate and I sat there for 3 hours with a book. Have you ever feel like not going home early cause you dun want to feel lonely and empty? I do and I just did... I really hate the feeling of loneliness and emptiness... Last time I was forever busy and now suddenly I got so much time to spare... No more trainings, no more nyaa, no more wakeboarding...

I really dun feel like returning to school later... It's such a drag for me now. Last semester, I wanted to be in school everyday as I know there is someone, something awaiting for me. This semester an extra second in school seems like century to me.

I know recently all my postings seem so negative and lost... I really hope to be positive again soon. This is awful...

Footnote: Awaiting my positive self...

Best Time Of The Holidays...

I have been stucked in Jurong Island for 5 weeks. Everyday breathe in methane, sulphur and all funny smell gases. I had to eat the shitty cafeteria food or cup noodles. On lucky days, my mum will cook for me or I will order fast food with friends. Journey to JI is a torture! To and fro will take me 4 hours daily! That is liked 1/6 of my day wasted!

In about few hours time, I will be back in school. Life will get tougher for me. I just hope this will be a smooth sailing semester.

Despite having 5 sucky weeks, I also had 2 great, fantastic weeks! Movie marathons, 2 person mahjong sessions, filling dinners and relaxing by the beach were all in the list! Life is so different for me these 2 weeks!(compared to those sucky weeks) I enjoy myself so much and I feel so happy. Time spent is unforgetable and I cherish every minute with YOU!

Let do it again despite the busy schedule awaiting YOU ya?

Footnote: Every second is well spent...

Moments...

In about 3 days time, I will be back in school for my final year of poly life. Time really flies. Throughout these 2 years, there are so many things that happened to me in poly. Good and bad, sad and happy, regrets and thanks God I did it!

Before I entered poly, I told myself that I would not want to be in any CCA. I just wanted to excel in my studies. However my words did not come true! 2 months back I was in liked 3 CCAs plus some outside activities.

I started joining recreational volleyball in NP in year 1. All I wanted was some exercise to keep my body healthy... But by end of year 1, I was appointed as the President of NYAA Chapter... Many of you many may think how the hell from a volleyball member turned into a Chapter President right? Some of you may even feel that I wanted the position very much...

Actually I do not really like it... When I assumed the post, all I wanted was to repay what NYAA has given to me the past few years. As for how I become President, it is a long story. To cut short, someone approached me for assistance and this is how it happened.

After becoming President of Chapter and settling pretty well in NP, my interest in canoeing started pestering me. It has been a dream for me to do canoeing competitively and as a regular sport since JC days. However I was not given the opportunity due to the fact that I was in the school volleyball team. Anyway I started Canoe Polo at the end of year 1 and as well Canoe Sprinting. Initially I went to canoe polo training but after sometimes I discovered I prefer sprinting due to various reasons.

Besides canoeing, I was also involved in the wakeboard team... At this point of time, you may think I am crazy right? Yes indeed I feel I am crazy! Totally out of mind come to think about it.

Finally the equilibrium gave way! I lost control of all the things... My life starts to change... I seldom have a social life even if I have, my socializing timing is liked after 12am. I start to neglect my gf and get stress out with my studies easily... I have to give up one training when I need to train for another sport or when I need to do some planning in the committee.

I start to look back and I started to regret many moments... Moments of going to the beach, clubbing or drinking with the sprinters... I still remember the first time when we supposed to meet for drinks at Villa Bali after exams, I got myself injured and landed in hospital... When the sprinters went clubbing, I was mugging like mad for exams, and those days of going to the beach...

Besides going with sprinters to the beach, clubbing and drinking, I regret most that I was not beside YOU when you were with them at those places. I also regret that I did not spend more time with YOU... and do more things together...

Sometimes I just wish there is a time machine that I can go back to the old days and correct things...

Footnote: Moments of Regrets, Moments of Lost...

Thoughts...

Life is so ironic. We tend to treasure what we lose more. When we have it beside us, we do not put much emphasis on it and only till it is gone then we...

It is always hard to believe a leopard will change its spots but in life miracles do happen and not all things need miracles to work. It's also hard to believe or trust that what you are getting now is real... It is too real to be fake, too good to be true. However it is real!

People do make mistakes. It is a matter of whether are we willing to give the person an opportunity to change. Yes! I agree when we decide to give the person an opportunity, we are also risking the fact that he may once again commit the same mistake to hurt us. But what if he really wants to change and he does change and we did not give him the opportunity... This person may have lost the opportunity to show his sincerity and to prove he is worthy of the opportunity forever.

Everything in life seems like a bet. I have been losing bets constantly and I have been trying to improve the way I handle the bet. I am so tired of constant changes. All I want is to be happied or just be contented!

Footnote: Random thoughts from bottom of my heart, not mind!

Life Fills With Guilt & Regrets

When did I last blog? I dun even rem! Anyway I apologise to those who have constantly come to check on my blog and left with disappointment. I will try my best to update my blog regularly.

Finally I have completed my Chemical Process Operations course at Jurong Island. I got so much to complain about CPTC but it's all over now. I guess I shall just let it rest! Leave all the words at Jurong Island...

Besides CPTC, so many things have happened in my life over the past 3 mths. Some of them I feel I have done extremely wrong. I also dunno where to start about it. Above all I feel extremely guilty towards a person, someone that I have letdown so much over the times. I feel like such a dickhead!

People say experiences change someone and I totally agree to that as I'm one good example. Over the years, I have changed so much. I have been chasing what I have lost and proving that I am a worthy one and I have neglected so many things in my life, neglected myself and you...

I have been building a wall around myself over the last 2 years after an unhappy experience. I am just too afraid to experience the same thing all over again but I overlook the fact that everything is different, everyone is different!

Now this wall is totally shattered. I feel very stupid that I did not treasure what I have. All I am feeling now is guilt and regrets and pain...

Footnote: I should have listen more instead of hearing you...